I'm a woman

As I scrolled through Facebook today, this image hit home, hard! I had to add it to my timeline 🙂

This is exactly how I’ve been feeling for a while now. Torn between managing a cranky teething baby, a sick nanny and unwell husband, it’s been a challenge to feel upbeat.

In fact, I just got off the phone with a friend and when she asked how I was doing, I just blurted out saying, ‘I feel like superwoman!’. Why? Simply because I have to do what I have to do without any feelings and emotions. There is just no time to feel sorry for myself now. I’ve told myself that I’ll think about ‘me’ and my needs later on – in fact, its better that way otherwise if I feel frustrated, sparks will fly.

I can’t tell my 10 month old that I need some ‘me time!’ She can’t be bothered simply because she doesn’t understand. She needs to be picked up, comforted and pampered when she’s hurting. She wants my undivided attention and that’s the only way to keep her from wailing or being fussy. Her face lights up and she gives me this adorable gummy smile when she sees me around. That boosts my ego enough to make me bend over backwards for her.

The nanny is trying to be helpful but I’d rather she rests and gets well soon – like real soon! She’s my sustenance when I’m working and right now I’m struggling. It’s stressing me out trying to plan and prepare a project document, while keeping tabs on my daughter who’s happy to crawl about rummaging through old magazines, books, nibbling on a wire and putting her head into the dustbin!

Then my husband, even while he’s feeling under the weather is pushing himself to complete his workload before his two-day break. He too constantly looks at me for some TLC while all I want to do is snuggle up to him to say, ‘pamper me, instead, man!’ And yes, I’ve tried to tell myself, giving him TLC would mean he will reciprocate and therefore its a win-win situation for both of us. Trust me when I say, it doesn’t work! In those moments, its mostly uni-directional!

And in the midst of all this, my head tells me, ‘lady you can’t let others know you’re breaking down. You can take care of everyone and everything. Just be positive, it will be alright.’ In fact, I’ve been speed reading The Power of Your Subconscious Mind for pointers. I keep asserting the fact, ‘this too shall pass,’ but somehow the knots on every joint or the pain in my back don’t seem to agree.

For the first time my head and heart are in the same place – I can’t let ‘me’ down either! I’ve grown up believing I’m mentally strong to take on the world. Breaking down under pressure will be a sure sign of weakness and I’m too proud to let that be known. Also being able to pull it off just makes me look that much more competent, resourceful and cool. That’s a high – even more than the adrenaline rush I get from binging on chocolate chip cookies!